A Chariot of Fire
by Kirishtu
Summary: A long drive leads to a conversation that has been a long time in coming. Even now, thousands of years later, Judas still feels the sting of his betrayal. A request from a friend.


Originally published on aff 2011-08-06

"Swing low, sweet Iscariot. The lord is coming to carry you home."

"Sing that one more time," rasped the man in the front seat, "and even Abel won't be able to recognize you."

A giggle sounded from the backseat. Movement, and the young man in the back shifted to sit up, leaning between the driver's seat and the passenger seat. "Now, now, Judas. Get a sense of humor."

"I'll sense of humor you, Cain," Judas rasped. He slapped Cain's hand away when the man reached for the bandage tied around his neck, stained slightly with pink. "He listens to you. Would you tell him to quit it?"

The man in the driver's seat half turned to face the young man in the backseat, looking into gold-flecked green eyes half shaded by locks of thick black hair. "Cain, Judas wants you to leave him alone."

Cain looked at him, then away, at the empty space beside him. Finally, he looked back at the driver and whispered, "Fine. But Abel says you should teach Judas to be a little more open to teasing, Jesus."

"I think Judas is quite open to teasing," Jesus replied with a smile, "but I don't think now is a good time."

Cain slumped in his seat and sighed. "You two aren't any fun at all."

Jesus laughed. "Cain, you've been teasing Judas since we started driving. It's only fair you give him some time to relax."

Cain looked over at Judas for a long moment. Then he folded his arms over his chest and let out a long sigh. "Fine. I'm sorry, Judas."

Dark eyes closed slightly as they looked toward the man in the driver's seat. At a subtle nod, he touched his hand to the bandaged wound at his throat. "I accept," Judas rasped.

The trip continued on in relative silence, broken only by a one-sided conversation coming from the back. If the other two occupants were annoyed by the exchange, neither said a word about it. Finally, as the hour grew later, the talking from the back finally quieted.

Judas twisted in his seat to look at the man half sprawled across the back seat of the Volkswagen beetle. Though Cain was older than both him and Jesus by decades, he looked younger. His skin was tanned by the sun, with black hair that was long and untamed. Beneath the rapidly moving lids were eyes the color of jade with gold flecks. He was so different from the two men in the front seat, but like Judas, carried the weight of a curse. Judas watched Cain's hand curl and uncurl, as if he were clutching another's hand.

"He's asleep, huh?"

Judas turned to regard Jesus. The man looked just as he remembered him - long dark hair left unbound, a thick beard but neatly trimmed, dark eyes framed by a face of dark skin. "Why do you let him go places with us?"

"Why not?" Jesus asked with his knowing smile on his lips. "You can't say he doesn't make this interesting."

"He's insane."

"I know," Jesus looked over at Judas and casually pointed to the bandage wound around his throat. "But he doesn't make that bleed, does he?"

Judas took a sharp inhale. "Are you saying his cursed self mutes your holiness?"

"Is that what I'm saying?"

"Irritating," Judas rasped. "You and Cain."

Jesus laughed. "You could've stayed behind."

"I did as you asked once. Look where it got me. Look where it got you."

"It was my destiny," Jesus started, but Judas' rough laughter made him fall silent.

"Destiny." Judas spat. "Do you truly believe Cain _wanted_ to kill his brother? Do you truly believe I _wanted_ to betray you? To give you up to the Romans? But I made you a promise, damn you." His voice became raspy and harsh. He touched his fingers to the bandage and they came away wet and red. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself.

Jesus remained impassive, staring at the darkening highway ahead of them. Judas closed his eyes, rubbing his temples. "I loved you, you bastard. And you still took that all away from me, for the sake of people who hated you then, and still take your name in vain now. How is that fair?"

"It had to be done," Jesus said softly.

"No, it didn't," Judas whispered. "But you were never the kind of person to do what you wanted."

The Volkswagen suddenly turned off the highway into a rest stop. The Volkswagen was the only car in the parking lot, and the lights of the street lamps flickered. The moment the car came to a stop, there was a soft moan from the back seat.

"Cain," Jesus started amicably, "Why don't you and Abel go for a walk?"

Cain gave both Jesus and Judas a long, searching look. Finally, he nodded, and slid over to the door. A moment later, his sandaled feet hit the pavement, and he slammed the car door behind him. He walked around the front of the car, gave the windshield a measured look, then abruptly turned and started off toward the buildings that waited in the dark.

When he was gone from their sight, Jesus turned to Judas and reached out to run his fingers through dark hair. Judas jerked his head away from his touch and glowered sullenly out the window. "Judas,"

"Don't 'Judas' me, Christ." Judas rasped. "I couldn't live with myself after I betrayed you. Did you ever consider those you left behind to save your father's precious creations?"

"I _had_ to do it. That was my purpose, why I was born. Do you _honestly_ believe I _wanted_ to put you through what I did? My only loyal apostle, the only one willing to do what I asked, my first - and last - love? I wished you'd had the courage to say no that day."

"I had about as much will to say no to the man I love as Cain had enough will to try to save his brother from the butchers that murdered him."

Jesus rubbed his temple. "Cain almost succeeded. But he had to kill Abel himself. Just look at him now, Judas. He's in constant pain. He's mad with grief. And yet he killed his brother because he loved him."

Judas snorted. "I still hate you."

Jesus smiled am understanding smile that made Judas want to slap it right off his face. As if Jesus knew what Judas wanted, he leaned over to take Judas' hand in his own. Then he pressed a light kiss to Judas' lips. Judas pulled back.

"Don't," he rasped. "I'm still mad at you."

Jesus smiled and shifted his hand to card it through Judas' dark hair. "You can be mad all you want to. My question is, do you still love me?"

Judas' laugh was hoarse and raspy. "You're a fool if you have to ask that question, Christ." His eyes closed halfway as Jesus began to massage the back of his neck. "Why do you have to be so insufferable?"

"Because, my love, I'm only human too." He leaned into Judas and pressed their mouths together. It was just as he remembered, all those long years ago, when they first had lain together under the stars. Judas still tasted of spices and persimmons, and Jesus lightly touched the bandage wrapped around his throat. His fingers came away wet with blood, and he pulled back.

Judas laughed roughly. "Face it. It'll be the death of me. Again."

Jesus sighed and rolled his eyes as he calmly wiped his bloody fingers on his pants. "No it won't. We found a way before, didn't we?"

Judas rubbed the bridge of his nose. "That was before. Look at us. We're already living beyond our time; and you, you're supposed to be up there." He gestured toward the black sky. "What does your Father think?"

"The same thing he thought when I told him he could go sit on the Spear. I knew you were wandering alone, and I needed - no, I _wanted_to be with you."

"Yet you came with that puppy on your heels."

"Don't tell me you're jealous of Cain."

Judas didn't bother to give him an answer. He looked out the window, and saw the familiar silhouette of Cain returning to the car. "You should have left him wherever you found him."

"And in turn, we wouldn't be where we are right now." Jesus reminded Judas. "Why don't we try to find a hotel or something?"

Judas laughed again. "And do what, Christ? Do you think a few kisses and touches will make everything better? And what, do you think Cain won't look at us and wonder, again, where Abel is? Why Abel isn't answering him?"

Jesus regarded Judas with a long stare. "When did you become so bitter?"

"The moment the man I loved with all my heart refused to run away from _destiny,_ and left me behind to suffer for what he asked me to do, and didn't have the strength to tell him to fuck off."

"You've certainly picked up this time's vernacular."

Judas said something pithy and to the point in Aramaic. It was enough to make Jesus' eyes go wide. "That, my _lord_, is vernacular."

Cain's sudden arrival saved Jesus from making any sort of retort. The young man crawled into the back seat of the Volkswagen and gave both Jesus and Judas searching looks. He glanced beside him, then out the window. "We must do what we must do. Destiny cannot be changed, just fate. Fate is what we change every day, but destiny is the end of the road. We may struggle not to meet it, but in the end, our efforts only make us who we are, and make us ready to accept destiny, even if it hurts. So Abel says."

Judas stared at the youth - who'd died a youth, not a man, and so was alone with his ghosts and memories, and _knew_ what he'd done and why he'd done it - and sighed.

It was hours later when they pulled into a motel. Jesus carried Cain up to their room and settled the young man on the second of two queen-sized beds, staring down at him as he curled up tight beneath the quilt. Judas watched Jesus stare, then sat down heavily on the bed they were to share. His wound had stopped bleeding now that Cain was so close, but it still felt raw beneath the bandage. Jesus finally turned to look at him.

"I never understood why my Father gave the hardest paths to those He cared for most."

"To teach us a lesson, I guess."

Jesus moved closer to Judas, easing between his apostle's legs and pushing the other man back onto the mattress. "Still as cynical as ever."

"Some things don't change," Judas rasped.

Jesus hummed and slid his hands up under the shirt Judas wore, letting his fingers slide over silky, dusky skin. Judas' own hands fisted in Jesus' dark hair and tugged lightly as if in warning. "Do you remember the first time?" Jesus asked, before busying his mouth with Judas' neck and pulse.

Judas stared at the stucco ceiling for a long moment. "I remember. The stars were burning brightly then, and the moon was full. I swore time and time again that John or Peter, or for heaven's sake, _Matthew, _was going to discover us."

"They never did."

"They all thought you were lying with that Magdalene woman. None of them questioned my absence." Judas hissed when Jesus' tongue teased a spot behind his ear, and he felt blood rush to his groin. His bandage was only slightly stained with pink. From across the room, Judas heard Cain give a sigh and shift. "Why are we doing this with the boy in the room?"

"Why not?" Jesus asked, then worried the shell of Judas' ear with his teeth. His hands worked Judas' shirt off, baring browned flesh to his eyes. He shifted, dragging his tongue lower. He skipped over the bandage and went for Judas' clavicle, remembering all the right places to touch and tease while his hands busied themselves with the waistband of Judas' pants.

"I already told you why not." Judas rasped, but he arched anyway when Jesus worked his hands beneath him to grip his pants, then pull them down until Judas was naked before his eyes, save for the bandage wrapped around his throat.

"If he wakes, I doubt he'll say a word," Jesus murmured as he wrapped a warm hand around Judas' cock. The length grew harder at his touch and Judas hissed a little as he tried not to squirm. Jesus only stroked him harder, smiling all the while.

"You sound so confident," Judas whispered, a moment before Jesus covered his mouth with his own. He felt Jesus' tongue against his lips, and parted them only after the other man had used his teeth. Their tongues fought in the hot cavern of Judas' mouth as Jesus shifted to stroke the head of Judas' cock with his thumb, smearing what little fluid there was against the reddened skin.

"I'm special that way." Jesus replied once he'd pulled back for air.

Judas rolled his eyes and shifted to help his lover remove the clothing he wore, fingers tracing over the scar where the Spear had pierced his breast. One hand trailed lower, beneath the waistband of the baggy pants Jesus wore, and it wrapped around the hardened flesh there. Judas wrapped his fingers around the base and slowly pulled up, adding more pressure the closer he got to the head of Jesus' cock, just the way he remembered. And just like he remembered, it didn't take long for the man to shudder in utter pleasure.

"It isn't so unseemly now, is it?" Jesus asked after a moment, maneuvering them both more fully onto the bed so they were laying side by side, hands wrapped around each other's lengths and stroking.

"What isn't?"

"What we're doing."

"Times change." Judas rasped. "But I know for a fact half the world would go into conniptions if they knew their lord savior was rolling around with the man who betrayed him."

Jesus chuckled. "Sinning, just like the rest of them,"

Judas' breath left him in a rush when Jesus gave him a healthy squeeze, then moved his hand lower to fondle his balls. "You, sin? Never,"

Jesus laughed and shifted to lay on his side, still fondling Judas' scrotum until the man was ready to burst. "I wonder..." Jesus purred as he slid his fingers yet lower still, to the tight pucker of flesh between Judas' legs.

"Wonder what?" Judas asked, slowly spreading his legs as Jesus moved between them, watching the other man with a mildly confused gaze.

"If you still yell like you do when I do this," 'This' was the sudden push of fingers against Judas' hole. Judas didn't yell but he hissed and squirmed, arching as he felt two digits sliding dry into his passage.

"They have oils and things for that!" Judas hissed as the burning pain began to lessen into pleasure. Jesus only chuckled.

"I won't hurt you. I've done enough of that, I think." He removed his fingers long enough to coat them with spit, then slowly pushed them back inside the tight heat of Judas. Just when Judas was about to protest, Jesus took the head of his cock into his mouth and began to suck, drawing the hardened flesh deeper into his throat.

Judas clenched his fists into the sheets beneath him and turned his head just slightly to regard the sleeping form of Cain. The young man's back was to them, but he couldn't tell if he was actually awake or asleep. And soon it didn't matter, because Jesus was doing_something_ with his tongue and that _something_ was driving the pleasure from Judas' cock and anus up into his brain. Suddenly, he arched and had to bite his own hand to keep his cry quiet as Jesus' fingers pushed up against his prostate, sending lightning up and down his spine.

Judas felt as though they were under the stars again, back before there were any such things like cars and television and buildings with air conditioning. He felt as though he could feel the grass under his back, the slight breeze kissing his skin and ruffling his hair. Another sharp thrust to his prostate and Judas gasped as he came, filling Jesus' mouth with his seed. Jesus slowly pulled back and removed his fingers from Judas' body. He spit Judas' seed into his hand and rubbed that mixture over his own aching length. Judas looked into the dark brown eyes that stared at him and recognized the look they held. It was the same look Jesus had given him on their first night alone, away from the others, away from Magdalene, out on the grasses with only God and the stars as their witnesses.

"It feels like it did back then, doesn't it?" Jesus whispered as he took hold of Judas' thighs.

"A little," Judas conceded. He shifted, grabbing Jesus by the shoulders and rolling them over so he was straddling his hips. He enjoyed the way Jesus stared at him, confused. He reached behind him and took hold of Jesus' aching cock, stroking it as he shifted backwards. He felt the familiar pressure soon enough, and then slowly, inch by inch, Judas' passage opened to take Jesus' cock inside him.

Jesus groaned as he did that night on the plain, holding himself still until he was fully seated in Judas. Then, Judas got his knees beneath him, and began to move. The motions became easier as his passage became slicker, and he was soon riding his lover harder than he'd ever ridden him before. Jesus soon rolled them, hooking Judas' legs over his shoulder to bend the man in half, pounding into him until the bed sounded like it was going to break.

Their mouths met; their tongues warred. When Jesus pulled back to look at Judas, he found kiss-swollen lips and dark eyes closed tight, his mouth open as he panted, the bandage around his neck pink but not red, and sweat shining on dark skin. He supposed he looked much the same way, save the wound around his neck. He slid his arms under Judas' and pulled them back so he was sitting back on his knees with Judas in his lap, thrusting up as Judas came down. Again their mouths met, and Jesus could hear Judas' soft whimpers. His passage was getting tighter and tighter, and Jesus shifted just once. The cry of his name that followed should've woken the boy in the next bed over, but Cain didn't move. Jesus pushed Judas down onto the sheets and pounded into his lover at that precise angle, panting harshly as he slammed the head of his cock against his lover's prostate over and over again.

"Jesus," Judas breathed, his eyes open and staring up into Jesus' own.

"Judas," Jesus whispered in return, "I love you, too."

He thrust harder and then Judas' breath hitched. His passage clamped down like a vice on Jesus' sensitive, hard cock, the pulses of the muscle milking that length with each thrust. Judas let out a cry, muffled by pillows, as he came hard. A moment later, Jesus echoed his cry and filled Judas with his seed.

Somehow, he kept from collapsing on his lover and instead managed to lay down beside Judas, remaining locked inside him. He wrapped an arm around Judas' waist and breathed in the scent of the man. A moment later, he felt Judas lay his hand on his arm, then twine their fingers together. They just laid there like that, connected and twined with one another, in silence, listening to the sound of breathing coming from the other side of the room.

"How did that not wake him?" Judas rasped quietly, shifting to finally look at Jesus.

Jesus shrugged, clearly just as baffled. "Perhaps Abel is with him, and he doesn't want to leave him yet."

Judas snorted and shifted back against Jesus, giving a slight moan as the flaccid flesh inside him slipped out. Jesus only shifted closer then, holding Judas in the tight embrace they never got to share so long ago.

"I'm sorry," Jesus whispered into Judas' ear.

"It was destiny," Judas replied, almost asleep. "And anyway, you heard Cain earlier... my lord is coming to carry me home."

Jesus chuckled and kissed Judas' jaw. "Yes, yes I am."


End file.
